What is My Path?

I know my four-year-old is listening. But I don't always allow it into my consciousness. I don't want to think about her growing up, but I do. Life is full of these contridictions, and it only worsens when you are a parent. Last night, I was lying in the bed with the girls, I was reading a cookbook and they were watching Pochahontas. I was only half listening; it was at the beginning when she is telling her father about her dream, he is talking about the man that has asked for her hand in marriage and then there is a some dialogue about her path. Which one should she take. Her father tells her she must choose her own path. It goes on from there. Now I am only half listening and then Bear looks up at me and asks, "Mama, what will my path be?" I told her that would be for her to decide and she asked if I would help her and I told her of course, both Daddy and I would help her but she would have to choose the path herself. And the whole time I am like, WHOA! Am I really having this discussion with my four year-old!!?? They are so smart and so intutitive, we really don't give them enough credit. She of course then says she thinks she will be able to find it on her own, without our help. We will see, huh?

Aggravation....

OK, so I already don't like registering Bear for school! First dumb ass me forgets to get her immunization record. That's OK, I'll just call the doctor's office to have them fax it to the school! WRONG! Doc's office doesn't fax anything (even though the school would take said fax). So I go down there because GOD HELP ME IF I CAN ACTUALLY TALK TO A LIVE PERSON AT MY CHILD'S PEDIATRICIAN'S OFFICE. I have to leave a f*&%ing message, which apparently all the operator's think is the nurses line since that is the line that they transferred me to, and guess what?!! I GET TO LEAVE A GD MESSAGE, OF WHICH IT TYPICALLY TAKES AN HOUR FOR THEM TO RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I leave a message and then call and realize there is a line specifically for immunizations record. How would I know that? Being that the operator had sent me to the nurses line. This is the recording that tells me they do not fax anything, but hey I can certainly leave a message and they will have it done in 24-48 hours!!!! Shit!!! Registration is only until 2 this afternoon. They did not call me back after an hour so I call Jerry and tell him I am going over there. It is now 9:30. Registration had started at 7:30. Jerry, running late, had forgotten the paperwork at home AND forgot to leave the car seats so my Dad could pick the kids up b/c I have an appt after school. He goes home, gets the paperwork, gets to the school at 8am...and waits 45 minutes to get the forms to fill out. After an hour of filling out paperwork, he turns it and is told she is on a waiting list! There was only one class (THAT IS WHAT I SAID, 1!) of 18 kids and it is a first come first serve basis so the 18 parents WHO SLEPT OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! last night got their kids in, that they were probably (but not definitely) adding a second class and that she would be in that one but we won't know until March or April. Who in the FUCK sleeps outside to get their kid into pre-k! I mean really people!!! This is a school (granted a good one) in EAST BATON ROUGE PARISH!!! Not exactly known for its academic excellence, and it is PRE-K, not freaking Harvard!!! SO in the meantime, I go to the doc's office b/c I have gone and gotten a shot card from them before without calling or filling anything out. She says I'll probably get it today but they tell us...blah blah blah! OK, now I am hearing Charlie's Brown's teacher in my head b/c I am pissed at myself and how stupid the doctor's office is! She sees my frustration (I am about to cry at this point, and this is before knowing that Bear is on the waiting list!) and says it will probably be ready within the hour, they'll call me when it is ready...blah blah blah. I have heard nothing by 11:30. The operator basically tells me all she can do is transfer me she can't page anyone, WHATEVER!!! The place is not that big get somebody on the phone, bitch! (FYI, I did not call her a bitch but I let her know of my happiness and the fact that it takes FOREVER for anyone to call me back, yeah she just transfers me! I hate her!) She, too, directs me to the nurse's line so I leave them a message letting out my frustrations, leave one on the immunization line and then another one b/c in venting my hatred of them on the line (total embellishment of course!) I forgot to leave my number. So Jerry is in the area, goes in, and voila, they have it ready. They knew evil messages 3 and 4 were on their way! HeHeHe!

So I have finally gone through all this shit just to have her on a waiting list! I will be going to the first private school next week! Fun Times:)

Blah...

It's Monday, which by itself sucks. Jerry is registering Bear for Pre-K today which makes me happy and sad because she is growing up so fast. It has almost been 5 years since I found out I was pregnant with the little bugger and now she is going to big girl school, as she calls it. I can tell it is time b/c everyday she asks, "Mama, am I going to big girl school today?" I don't want her to go to big girl school cause then she will never want to come home cause I such a horrible parent!!:) Ok, I'm not horrible but I feel like when I am at home all I do is cook and clean and yell at them to stop hitting each other and yell at them to clean there room (which, is it just my kids? but it takes about an hour for them to clean up and I have to yell at them the whole time!) I just feel like I don't do anything with them b/c a) I don't have time, b) we have no money to go anywhere and c) I am exhausted most of the time!

And then the whole school thing! So we are registering her at the public school in our neighborhood which is almost free. If we aren't eligible for the free lunch program we have to pay a monthly fee (which has to be cheaper than what we pay in tutition now!) but J seems to think that we may need to keep her there and put her in middle school at a private school. I said no b/c most of the kids at the private school she will go to will have been there since kindergarden and I think it would be difficult for her to make new friends when the groups are already established. If the middle schools are that bad, what makes the elementary ones any better? Should I keep her in pulic until middle school? Other people have told me they were not happy when their parents did that but I am at not sure what to do. I don't know anything about public school! I went to a private one. And then she would have to go to CCD which she wouldn't if she went to a private school. Now the school we are registering her for is a blue ribbon school so it is not the terrible schools that are in the rest of the parish but what if we move? This district is only for this neighborhood! And then she'll get stuck in another school that is crappy! And what if she doesn't test into the gifted program! I don't know what to do!

Stuff...

2007 Year in Review
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?


Nothing that I can remember...but that is really asking a lot of me right now! I can barely remember what happened yesterday much less last year!


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, & will you make more for next year?

Didn't make any, so if I made some for 2009 I think it will be to be a better parent. I pretty much think I suck at it!



3. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money! No debt.



4. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None come to mind.



5. Did you suffer illness or injury?Other than having the WORST case EVER of strep throat! I had to force myself to eat and anyone who knows me knows I must have been really sick!



6. What do you wish you’d done more of / less of?

More learning in general/ Less worrying



7. What was your favorite TV program?

What the hell is tv again? When I get a chance CSI and Special Victims Unit; I also like Biggest Loser and... crap can't remember the name but it is something like Women's Murder Club(?) that doesn't sound right-Angie Harmon and some other chicks i don't know but who look vaguely familiar and all work in some form of law enforcement (ok one is a crime reporter but the rest have some sort of legal/police/medical job dealing with the criminal justice system!) Of course, I should only watch these myself which as we all know, is virtually impossible! BONES IS AWESOME!!!


9. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Don't really hate as much as next time I see a news story on these people I may take my own life : Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, et al.

10. What was the best book you read?

I think I read 2 books and the names escape me but they were good and it was Evanovich's lastest Plum Mystery and Reich's latest Brennan book---ohhh, just remembered a tv show!



11. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I don't really buy cds anymore...I am such an adult!!!



12. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Don't have one.



13. What kept you sane?

Sleep!



14. Who did you miss?

My grandmothers



15. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

As is indicitive of my life, I got nothing!(That's not a lyric, I really can't think of anything!)

Sorry ok...

Sorry no posts of late. Been pretty tired, going back to work after having two weeks off and sleeping until 7(yes. I said 7 and that is 7am!) and now having to get up before 6am is caustic to my system.

So the Pennington thing is going well. I have lost a bit more than 14 pounds and if one more person tells me I am too skinny or I need to gain weight I am going to head butt them! I am sorry it is a 2 year program! If I go to far under they make me eat more and it is not like eating too little is my problem! Christmas break was torture and I did horrible! I have just come to the conclusion that I need to be able to eat/drink whatever the hell I want during Christmas b/c I am going to do it anyway! I did bad and felt like I was going to get in trouble with my dietitian but I still ate whatever the hell I wanted!

About to start applying for different schools for Bear. I can't believe she is going to be in Pre-K in just a few months! We are applying to 3 schools, two Catholic schools and 1 public one. The public one is in our neighborhood and is a blue ribbon school so I have no qualms about sending her to it. The only problem is we are mostly likely going to try and sell the house again, this time FSBO and if we move out of the neighborhood, we aren't in that district anymore. The Pre-K program as a whole in our parish is actually quite good. The program was actually if not in the #1 spot, at least in the top 5 of the best Pre-K programs, in the country!! I know, everyone gasp now! An education curriculum in Louisiana is actually not just good, but excellent!!! We would put her in one of the Catholic schools for K-8 though. It is really going to depend on our money situation, quite frankly.

I think that is all for now!